Two applicants arrived at our office for the Mortgage Analyst position. The first was impressively dressed in crisp, ironed business attire, her hair neatly styled and makeup subtle yet polished—she projected immediate professionalism and credibility, the kind of presence that commands attention and respect. The second applicant, by contrast, wore casual clothing that felt inappropriate for the role. A few days after interview, one came out to accept the offer. It was the first candidate.

Was the hiring manager only looking for an impressive physical vibe? I’m sure not. For a position who’s not only analyzing market trends, financial statements, and its risk, this role needs to possess the ability to communicate effectively with borrowers, loan officers and business stakeholders—where trust, attention to detail and professionalism have significant role to play. Effective interpersonal communication plays a decisive part in shaping first impressions and influencing hiring decisions. It consists of both verbal
communication and nonverbal communication.

For HCA role, we don’t wear those crisp business blazers and fix its edges with our shiny polished nails. We don’t come to work with our stilettos, suitcases and laptops. Rather, we come to work with our well-trimmed short nails, hair tied on our back, and ironed scrubs free from dirt or stains. We wear closed-toe, closed-heel, sleep resistant footwears comfortable enough to walk during long shift. In a healthcare setting, showing up to a client in a wrinkled and stained uniform with disheveled hair may evoke an impression of clumsiness in giving care. Nevertheless, our appearance contributes to our body language.

Nonverbal communication is simply body language plus TS. Body Language includes PAFBEG. PAFBEG doesn’t mean Pizza And Fri-yay: Best Evening Goals, although I’m just as ecstatic as everyone else that it’s Friday today, and weekend is basically here once again. Swifties shouldn’t rejoice either, for TS ain’t Taylor Swift at all. PAFBEG + TS is my acronym for posture, appearance, facial expression, body movements, eye contact, gesture, plus touch and silence. These nonverbal cues can impact the message we send to the receiver, and this NVC often reveals the “person’s true feelings” (O’Toole, 2020). Why? This is because our nonverbal messages are often involuntary and unconscious. They say action speaks louder than words, but I also agree that our nonverbal messages, often not as planned as our actions, speaks louder, too! So, when our verbal communication and nonverbal cues agree or disagree, this results in either a stronger or weaker message.

In a stenchy community right in front of De La Salle University-Dasmarinas in the Philippines, freshmen students were required to participate in the community outreach program. A large tarpaulin canopy, borrowed from someone’s wedding or birthday, stretched overhead, its edges tied to mango trees and electric posts, providing roof to many of us. We were discouraged from snorting or even covering our noses, despite the strong, indescribable smell that seemed to cling to our white shirt, jeans and sneakers. Others were bored. There were a few who seem to have a charitable heart to talk to little kids. Kids who seem to appear worn out too early by poverty especially in their mismatched slippers, sticky, unkempt hair. Their frayed shirts with small moth-eaten holes shout at us pleading they just don’t have enough. We were young. Many of us couldn’t appreciate the value of this outreach program. Our body language says it all, loud and clear! Our youth was wasted on our loose empathy and lack of compassion to the situation
crying in front of us.

When I converse with anyone, I do my best to listen. I’m normally interested to meet new people. I often ask questions when I’m curious. I pay attention to words spoken. Everyone has his own stories to tell. Anyone can be an expert of something, only if we’ll pay attention. When the topic is too interesting, I find no difficulty tuning in. However, there are times when my mind wanders off. Am I the only person guilty of this? Maybe when I feel excited about something, my mind tunes out. I listen to the monkey’s noises in
my head. And when the person I speak with asks a question, I tune back in to reality not knowing what to say. An embarrassment of being tuned out for so long can kill this opportunity of building rapport. This doesn’t happen every day, thankfully! Knowing myself, being self-aware of this weakness, I make sure to shut everything off and focus on the person I’m speaking with to accomplish a productive and positive outcome.

Headlee’s years of experience interviewing people reminds us about effective interpersonal communication skills that may be composed of eye contact, thinking of interesting topics to discuss in advance, nodding and smiling to show we’re paying attention, and paraphrasing. Ironically, she said all these techniques are crap! “There is no reason to learn how to show you’re paying attention if you’re in fact paying attention,” emphasizes Headlee.

So, when I find myself truly paying attention to a person, I instinctively nod, shake my head, smile, frown, speak in connection to the topic, add more information to the topic, ask question related to what was said. It comes naturally, not forced. The monkey’s feet and hands are tied around a post in my head—one I don’t even feel or see anymore—and he’s no longer able to distract me from the conversation in front of me—only when I pay full attention.