“I want to see my Mom now!” Michael frantically demanded to the HCA. Facing mental challenges, he would often demand things that were impossible to provide right away. Calmly, the HCA faced him, eye-level—asked him a question. The revelation of Michael’s answers gave him a moment of awakening that it was just impossible to see his mom now.

Body language—eye contact, touch, silence, plus appropriate verbal messages with closed questions, “Where is your Mom right now?” prodded Michael to realize that his mom was working in her office at the moment of his demand. This appeased him, not because the HCA acceded to his demand, but because the HCA provided appropriate response by asking the right question with the right tone and body language. It may also be comforting to know that the reason simply why he’s not seeing his mom now wasn’t because she’s forgotten about him but because she’s simply attending to the needs of her own clients.

In the evening upon reaching home, I reminded my kids to return their things to where they belong, not in our living room. I told them that it’s better to maintain cleanliness than allow unnecessary stuff in their wrong places to accumulate. Without pause, and as their mom, I emphasized how it could take me a minimum of two hours just to clean. In a few seconds, my youngest daughter approached me and told me, “Calm down,” while trying to massage my head. She said, “I don’t want you getting mad at me.” In our book, it warns HCA not to say “Calm down” as it could only infuriate the client. However, in my case, this phrase doesn’t at all bother me. I calm down when someone tells me to calm down. However, perhaps to other people, this phrase could provoke them further.

Probably, everyone has different wiring in their brain that leads to opposite responses. Comforting can develop a therapeutic relationship. Clients who are vulnerable, who are physically frail or mentally challenged may confide in us to share their sorrows, anxieties, internal and external conflicts. As HCA, we hold the knowledge and information about them. We may know their background, certainly their illness, and its consequences in their bodies. When we have knowledge about a person’s background, we tend to understand why they think and behave that way. In return, this allows us to be more in control, compassionate, careful, and respectful in interacting with them. HCA has a major role to play. When clients behave in a certain manner or start to open their struggles, it is our responsibility to ensure they’re comforted in a way ‘that encourages, affirms, and empowers them to continue with meaning, purpose and quality of life’ (Sullivan et al., 2009).

We were at Tim Horton’s this evening after I dropped my daughter at her music school. A homeless man approached the people around asking for food. I couldn’t look at him because I felt pity… Someone paid for his meal. He sat near us, gobbled Timbits as if there’s no tomorrow. Someone retorted, “It’s his fault why he ended up that way.” I reasoned, however, “Aren’t we fortunate we didn’t end up like what he’s going through now? Is it not by grace that we are where we are now? Is it his fault if perhaps he was raised in a chaotic family? What if his dad was a drunkard, and his mom was an addict? What if he was physically and verbally abused when he was a kid, and had no one who could look after him? Perhaps he made a pile of poor decisions which led him to his homelessness. However, let’s not be quick to judge on the external parts. We don’t know this man’s background.” I could see his reflections in the Tim Horton’s glass as he gobbled Timbits from his swollen hands. I don’t know if his life is still giving him meaning to live if closed structures is the only place that gives him warmth.

“To continue with meaning, purpose and quality of life…” To those who are dying, weak, abandoned, ill, can we blame them if they lost the vision in their lives? As HCA, we have face-to-face contact with the vulnerable and disconnected persons. It is rather an opportunity to commit to our responsibilities, and if we could pray for them given their permission—if they believe that prayer doesn’t trample on their culture or their own set of beliefs, then we should pray. (One of the books I read mentioned about exercising our spiritual belief if it can help in our job.) If we believe that there is God who is the way, the truth, and the life, then why don’t we share the lamp we have on our feet, and the light on our path to these persons, especially when they’re losing life’s meaning to live? Not to impose our belief on them, but to be compassionate when caring for them. Why can’t we share the hope we found in this life to the hopeless? Because as HCA, we can—within the boundaries of professionalism and ethics. As HCA, we can make a huge difference to the person assigned to us.

CONFRONTATION

Confrontation within the boundaries of HCA is not warfare, rivalry, quarrel, strife, or contention. In all circumstances, it shouldn’t be that way. Confrontation for health care professionals should be a peaceful discussion between two or more persons with possibly opposing beliefs to achieve reconciliation toward truth and resolution. This is how I define it in my own words.

The aim of confrontation is not to judge, criticize, blame or threaten. It is not an arena where HCA could display his fury or frustration. A confrontation or a challenge should not be aggressive, or it may become ‘a barrier that disempowers the person’ (Egan 2014; Egan & Reese, 2019). Confrontation is rather a respectful and open-minded discussion that should encourage the vulnerable person to welcome change in the way he acts, behaves or thinks. In general, when confrontation is done appropriately, then it may produce positive outcomes. Certainly, confrontation is not something that necessarily happens every day. ‘However, when appropriate, confrontation enhances and produces effective communication, participation and recovery’ (O’Toole, 2020).

TO JUDGE OR NOT TO JUDGE

I was certainly judged in the past for the careless things I said. I mentioned a word I didn’t really mean, so I was received negatively. The judgment was tough and lacking grace. I can’t blame her. That was over a decade ago! It served me a huge lesson. A lesson that I should be careful with my word/s, and to also not trust too much.

Have I judged others? I try not to, but when I think the person is overly loud, lacking grace, elegance, or discretion, I choose not the person to become my friend. If the person has said something offensive, depending on the depth of the offense, I remember the 5 by 5 rule: “If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t waste more than 5 minutes getting bothered about it.” I move on.

Not only do we judge others based on how they speak. We also judge them by the content and quality of their social media post! Those who disclose their rift with others for public display. Those who brag about material things that don’t necessarily matter to others. Are we judging them because of what they post or is it because we just don’t like them, “period”? Have we developed a certain prejudice toward them because of what we heard from others or negative encounters?

It’s so easy to judge, isn’t it? By the measure we judge others is the same measure we shall be judged.

The best use of time is to stay focused. If we were part of a jury, then we’re in the best role to judge! But as HCA, our role is to be knowledgeable, skillful as health care professionals and to provide compassionate care. To refrain from judging our clients but to be flexible, understanding, and culturally sensitive. After all, caring for the elderly, the vulnerable, the disconnected, the mentally challenged will allow us to recognize that our life is like a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes (James 4:14). A life that’s compared to grass, flourishing like a flower of the field. The wind blows it and it’s gone (Psalm 103:15). A life that we ought to value and not waste. A life that was given and directed for a purpose.